1. While at The Frigid, an ice cream parlor, with my family, I ordered a gigantic cone with soft serve vanilla and chocolate ice cream. I took one lick and all of the ice cream was on the floor. I never ordered a cone again.
2. Two incidents stand out from high school. There was the time I spilled a gigantic bag of M&M's all over the auditorium during a fundraising event. Another time while at Friendly's (with friends), I spilled a gigantic glass of soda all over the table and myself. I had to go to the movies soaking wet.
3. While in the college dining hall, half of my food usually ended up on my roommate. She should have worn a poncho.
4. In college I really liked those yogurts with M&M's separately packaged in the lid. While opening such a yogurt, the candy flew into the air and landed in the sink. I should have never eaten M&M's. Going vegan solved that problem.
5. I cannot eat sandwiches. I take one bite and all of the insides come out the other end. If I have to order a sandwich at a restaurant, I end up using about twenty napkins.
6. I once dropped a piece of chocolate cake onto the couch and then sat in it. It all happened in one fell swoop. It wasn't even my couch. My roommate was asleep and I cleaned it up the best I could and then flipped the couch cushion over.
7. I frequently look in the mirror and notice that there is food in my hair. Sometimes I'll be sitting on my desk and notice a chocolate chip on my shoulder.
8. I have banned myself from eating in my car. My previous car had food stains all over the place.
9. I can only buy salad dressing with a squeeze top. Otherwise I dump all of the dressing on my salad. Every time.
10. I can't drink water without spilling it on myself. I try to take a sip and literally pour it all over my face and shirt. I require a straw.
I amaze myself.
Of Monsters and Men - "King and Lionheart"